This New Hampshire trip couldn’t come any faster, though I had no clue what I was getting myself into. My focus was on an opportunity to get out of my daily routine for a few days. After driving a decent 3.5 hours from Connecticut to New Hampshire (a beautiful drive I may add) we arrived at our destination, a massive house with an even bigger view. It was almost 20 of us so space was very much needed.
It was a Friday night after organizing our things and claiming sleeping arrangements the cooking, drinking, and eating began. It was refreshing to be around the family with lots of laughs and love. The night progressed with more laughter and eager planning for tomorrows adventure, climbing the mountain. By midnight we all had gone off to rest as we finally made the decision to climb the mountain the following day.
Early morning risers like myself were up and enjoying a cup of coffee or tea. The sunrise was not seen because of the clouds, either way, the view was breathtaking. I felt like I was staring into an infinite tree line, and I felt small but a part of the bigger picture. Almost the same feeling I feel when I am in front of the oceans greatness. After breakfast and personal preparation off, we went to tread the unknown charters of Cannon Mountain.
The entire 20 min ride I was a blur of emotions, at the moment I was unsure as to why but in retrospect, I understood my silence. It has only been a few months since I started working out “hard” and building muscle, so I was fearful of lack of stamina and strength. When we arrived at this majestic hill the walk from the parking lot to the start was short and boy was this mountain unforgiving. We were welcomed with natural steps of rocks and stones, I had climbed and gone hiking before but never “up” a mountain. Off I went slow and steady wins the race, I do not give up, I am a champion, I finish what I start; these were all the things I recited to myself to motivate my spirit. Because once you started going up there was no turning around.
I have left out the fact that part of the group included my uncles who are into their 70’s. I, of course, was there to help them, here is where my lesson starts. During difficult and challenging steps I slowed down, offered my hand for support, my words for guidance and my steps for mentoring. There were many times after offering one or all of these options my uncle would just say no I need to do it alone, by myself. At first, I was like ok and continued to look back just in case. At that moment I realized what I had done wrong in many in not all of my relationships, I was codependent. I was so concerned with “making sure” other were ok when in reality I was trying to control them and the situation. I was not able to allow myself nor the other to grow into their wings because I was always up under them.
This climb was one of the biggest physical challenges and also a life-changing moment. A reminder of the importance of being an individual in all of your relationships, romantic or plutonic. The importance of leaning on your own strength and giving others the space to find and lean on their own strength.